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Mr. Cocky�came by today for a meeting with my colleague who is sitting just next to me. Asked me how my running was, so on and so forth. Finally, they had a meeting and his voice was distracting me. I was able to force myself to concentrate on my work but half of me is acutely conscious of him. This can't be. I can't wear my heart on my sleeves. People are already noticing ... I really need to go online and meet guys, go on dates just so I could�fall out of love from Mr Cocky. Because sadly, there is no bright future nor is there a prospect for a relationship. And I would not be taking that step, I have to save my face. The dilemma of having to fall for a guy in your office !!! Sigh.

June 10, 2008

I took my computer on the road with me to Atlanta with the thought that I would keep up with my journal as I was on the road.� Well, that did not happen, I did not even have time to take it out of the bag.� Let me give you a glimpse of the on the road schedule.

Thursday 4 pm leave for Atlanta.� Stop for dinner about 9 pm.� Arrive at the Red Roof Inn in Hampton, GA about 10:30.� Check into hotel, into bed about 11:15.

Friday, up at 4 am.� Meet group in lobby of hotel to travel to the track.� Arrive at the track about 6:00 am.� Get out trailer set up and first guests arrive about 7:30.� Today we have a 8 am, 11 am and 2 pm class.� We finish with the last guest about pm.� Straightened up trailer, pack up everything for the day.� Head down to the garage to see what other work has to be done.� Cars need to be cleaned, serviced and filled with gas and ready for the next day.� We leave the track at 7:30 pm.� Get back to hotel @ 8 pm.� Get cleaned up to go for dinner.� Go to dinner about 8:45.� Arrive back at the hotel at 10:00.� In bed at 10:30.�

Saturday, up again at 4 am.� Same day at the track.� At end of day we pack of to head back to Charlotte.� We are on the road at 8 pm.� Have dinner at the gas station we stop at to fuel up.� Arrive back at JGSR shop at 1:45.� Get home and 2:15 and go straight to bed.�

Yes, it’s a hectic schedule.

yea its freakn 125 am and i am awake...yea i was freakin aslp not anymore...my friend who is consistantly awake till 3-4 am was talkin on her damn cell phone and still on my laptop. dose she not have respect for me and my shit....damn i woke up grabed my blanket pillow n cell n went in to the other room....i went in the thinkin shit i should have to LEAVE�MY ROOM by all means...it my room paint red for a reason....i have get pretty angry...well i then got up came back in n she asked if i was okay...helllll no im not ok� this has yto stop and to stop now...all hour of being awake slping till 1230 and doing it all over again...NAVY life aint like that hun u need to start learnin.. everyone keeps tell her she needs to change but it aint happenin...soo imma do my way ill do it w/out her if she cant help her self n really doesnt seem like her wants my help so im done...AHHHHHHHHHH crazy freakin night...im tired and hell still but im don know if i can go back to slp....

i wasnt feeling well. it was so hOoT the whole day..

i feel like im goin` to die. it's so humid..

work was kinda slow and� boring..but im still TIRED!!

i hate felling tired..its really killing me..

by the way, i haven't introduce myself

who cares! its not a big deal tho.. RIGHT?!?!

i dont care what are you gonna say

but i want you to listen

to everything words im gonna say..

i need you to listen..

im sad..im really really sad.

i need help..

i dont know what to do..

i cannot help myself from holding back

yes im with someone else right now

but its not right..you wanna know why?

its because..im just lying to this person

i know its sound� so BAD..

but im not a bad person..

i just want to make this person to be happy...

what should i do?...

WH/UW project needs admin work done.� Another fucking project in limbo.� No time for this silliness, I forward to Curious and Duke to see if they can get one of the kids on it.

Matt T.� Wants to do Tomcat > WAS migration 7/1-7/15� is asking Mr. T. to lock my time.

Remembered to forward apollo downtime message off to portal admins.� oops.

MTG: 3:30 - 4pm today - Discuss timing for IWS work later this week.

Calvin the LDAP guy wants to coordinate some work with my apollo work today.� No Problem.

Mr. T. stood up a new IWS DC Test Env in LM.� zorn2-lm, guiness, killian need prompt adjustments in /etc/bashrc in this new env so we know they're iwsqa.

1pm : Apollow shutdown and remediate.� Work with Boody to get apps down, then proceed.� All goes well.� Return users at 2:22pm

Sent email to Skipper letting him know I installed the asset manager package on my target server. (naboo)� Seemed to go fine, copied the rest of the list.

We discuss rolling the LDAP changes out to QA on Tuesday.� We're locked in from 11am-8pm Tuesday for my changes plus rollout of the IWS work.

yep first public entry, bit crazy, like journal'in, find it helps with my busy head, like readin others feeling too, makes me feel less lonely, not sure what public stuff to write about, find myself a bit boring??? so thats a start

So the weekend over...hmmm...went to Meet the Fleet friday night...had a blast didnt get home till 730am...hahaha.....yeah like i said it was a blast...i was gunna go out sat night but didnt i was tooo tired n also i had no gas...WHICH kinda leads me to another issue wit my friend....i dont think she realllllly understands that when we dont have gad we can push to go place's we gotta save it....she always wants to b out doin sometihng everyday....i tell her we cant but then she gets an all depressed n is then on my laptop ALLLLLLL freakin day.....while shes on it she only on a few sites...y not go on n look for a job as well....ok soooo enough with that.....

i also did alot of thinkin this wkend...i wanna b done messin around wit guys...i kno im young in all but i wanna find the right one...someone to i can call n talk to anytime someone i can go to in the time of need if i get in to an argument w/my parents or my friends, someone i have a shoulder to cry one....i just want someone there to support me when needed n of course ill b there for them when ever....i know im young n shit but it dont matter im done dealin with some dumb fools i wanna find the right one....ahhhh...lol

thank u all for listenin pls dont b afriad to say something to me...im a real open person